I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
