Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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