Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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