Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
