just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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