So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
