i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
