just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
