we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
