Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
