I puked a lego.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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