I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
