i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
