im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
