Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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