Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
