you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
