haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
