I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
