Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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