how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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