Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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