He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
