Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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