I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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