Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
