I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize