If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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