Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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