You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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