I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
