God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wear drunk well.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
