I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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