i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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