I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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