When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
