last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
