Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
