got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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