am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
