This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
