It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone shit on the floor
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
