Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
