Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
