How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
