I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
