A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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