I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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