Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
