What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
