I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
