ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
