Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
there is glitter all over my balls
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