you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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