Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
