my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk is not a location!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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