Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
