Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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