In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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