Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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