oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm just crazy horny about you
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
