i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
