you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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