He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fuck appropriateness.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
