I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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