He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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