I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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