do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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