my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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