Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
