I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
