you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
