why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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