Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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