You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
