You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
