so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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