his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
