Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
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Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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