he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
