why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
