When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
