I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
third nipple confirmed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
