I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
